Lably
Skip to content

Politeness

Practical application of good manners or etiquette so as not to offend others

  • 6 min read
  • 5 chapters

Related on Lably

Through Etiquette, Culture and Face (sociological concept)

While the goal of politeness is to refrain from behaving in an offensive way so as not to offend others, and to make all people feel relaxed and comfortable with one another, these culturally defined standards at times may be broken within the context of personal boundaries – this is known as positive politeness.

Types

Anthropologists Penelope Brown and Stephen Levinson identified four kinds of politeness, deriving from Erving Goffman's concept of face:

  1. Negative politeness is the act of making a request less infringing, such as "If you don't mind..." or "If it isn't too much trouble..."; respects a person's right to act freely. This is a variety of deference. There is a greater use of indirect speech acts. It is also considered a part of being assertive.
  2. Non-assertive politeness is when a person refrains from making a comment or asserting their beliefs during a discussion so as to remain polite to others present. It is also when a person goes along with a decision made by someone else so as not to appear impolite, essentially following general social norms.
  3. Assertive politeness can be when a person offers their opinion in a positive and constructive way to be assistive and helpful during an interaction, or refrains from purporting to agree with something they do not actually agree with in a way that does not offend others.
  4. Positive politeness seeks to establish a positive relationship between parties, and it respects a person's need to be liked and understood. This standard of politeness is determined by personal boundaries, and often violates etiquette norms in letter. Direct speech acts, swearing and flouting Grice's maxims can be considered aspects of positive politeness because:
    • They show an awareness that the relationship is strong enough to cope with what would normally be considered impolite (in the popular understanding of the term);
    • They articulate an awareness of the other person's values, which fulfills the person's desire to be accepted. This can include an awareness that the other person does not mind a nominally offensive behavior, such as casually swearing in front of someone one just met.
    • They convey a natural, relaxed, casual setting, where all parties are comfortable and uninhibited.

Some cultures, groups, and individuals prefer some ideals of politeness over the other. In this way, politeness is culturally bound, and even within broader cultures, people may disagree.

Sign in to keep reading

4 more chapters are free with a Lably account.

More in Sociology