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Misplaced loyalty

Loyalty placed where it is not respected or to an unworthy cause

  • 3 min read
  • 5 chapters

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Through Loyalty, Organization and Respect

Social psychology provides a partial explanation for the phenomenon in the way that the norm of social reciprocity motivates people to honor their agreements, and shows that people usually maintain an agreed deal even when it changes for the worse. Humanists point out that "[M]an inherits the capacity for loyalty, but not the use to which he shall put it [...] may unselfishly devote himself to what is petty or vile, as he may to what is generous and noble".

In the family

Part of the conventional therapeutic wisdom is 'that those of us who were unlucky enough to be raised by bad parents also get to be burdened as adults by their demands...we maintain a sense of misguided loyalty'. Under the rubric - 'Misplaced Loyalty: The Codependency Factor' - the self-help movement would strongly challenge such loyalty: 'in either individual therapy or self-help groups, the goal is to seek out and replace our misguided loyalty and attachment to our failed parents with attachment to healthier peers'.

Psychoanalysis would highlight the accompanying paradox that 'the child, it should be remembered, always defends the bad parent more ferociously than the good'. The paradox may help account for what have been called 'trauma bonds...the misplaced loyalties found in exploitive cults, incest families, or hostage and kidnapping situations, or codependents who live with alcoholics, compulsive gamblers or sex addicts'.

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